Will ADHD Medication Work for Me?

In this Episode 69, I share my unfiltered daily video diaries from the first 8 days starting ADHD medication (Tyvense 30mg, then 40mg).

After getting diagnosed in August 2024 and waiting months due to required cardiology tests, I finally began this journey during a particularly stressful time (seriously sick loved one).

I share:

• Day-by-day honest experiences, including the “cheating at life” feeling on day
• Practical challenges like figuring out breakfast and protein timing
• Wins: You know, the little things like leaving the house without forgetting anything, tackling months of bookkeeping without tears
• The grief and wonder of experiencing what a “normal” brain feels like
• Tips for breakfast solutions and managing expectations
• How it affected my yoga nidra and physical yoga practices and meditation and
• Why proper rest matters for the medication to work

This isn’t medical advice. It’s my lived experience, shared to help demystify the process for others considering ADHD medication. Everyone’s journey is different, but I hope this helps you feel more informed and less alone.

Next week: How cats can help make everything better (it’s International Cat Day!)

RESOURCES

• The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

• Sole to Soul Circle (bonus content & deeper dives)

• Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Always consult your healthcare provider about medication decisions. This is purely my personal experience.

Some relevant posts: https://solestosoul.ie/2023/07/31/happy-lughnasadh/ https://solestosoul.ie/2019/08/01/happy-lughnasadh-what-are-you-harvesting/ https://solestosoul.ie/2025/01/07/2025-is-so-last-week-how-do-you-hope-to-be-living-and-feeling-this-time-next-year/ https://solestosoul.ie/2025/02/04/some-self-compassion-around-my-own-journey-with-mental-health-issues/

Feel Better Every Day!

Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:

• Feel… (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Love… (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Heal… (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for watching or listening. New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode. Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

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DISCLAIMER The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

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Chapters and timestamps

(0:00 – 2:06) Intro – self-care, Sole to Soul Circle, book, and podcast overview

(2:07 – 2:50) ADHD and creativity – not feeling ashamed of doing many things

(2:52 – 6:29) Starting ADHD medication – nervousness and high hopes

(6:30 – 10:05) Day one reflections – “cheating at life” and immediate impact

(12:33 – 16:41) Accounting wins – numbers, memory and streamlining admin

(16:42 – 16:57) Breakfast – ADHD morning routine challenges

(19:06 – 25:00) Systems, euphoria and grief – realising how hard it’s been

(27:36 – 27:50) Catching up on months of financial admin

(27:51 – 28:07) Feeling the effects wear off

(28:08 – 28:38) Yoga, cats and less weirdness on day two

(28:39 – 29:06) Working on a Saturday and feeling fine

(29:07 – 29:26) Clarifying this is my personal experience

(29:27 – 30:18) Day three: an early start and protein first thing

(30:38 – 31:11) Chips, vegetables and concern about the drive home

(31:12 – 31:39) Medication and navigating very little sleep

(31:40 – 32:07) Reflecting on the impact and feeling grateful

(33:31 – 33:55) Realising how much time I’ve wasted

(33:56 – 34:18) Psychiatrist advice and overscheduling ADHD brains

(34:19 – 34:47) Looking forward to Monday and letting go of tasks

(34:48 – 36:02) Yoga nidra: appreciating stillness, not rushing

(36:03 – 36:42) Day four: I am not a squirrel!

(36:43 – 37:25) Oat milkshake breakfasts and fridge temperature issues

(37:26 – 38:22) Appetite, body image and cultural pressures

(40:27 – 41:04) A new stillness at the end of yoga nidra

(41:05 – 41:48) Day five: oat milkshake breakfast and smooth transitions

(43:06 – 43:33) Hunger, timing and realising it is working

(43:34 – 43:57) Committing to sleep and amplifying self-care

(43:58 – 44:37) Day six: late start, no clients and writing struggles

(44:38 – 45:09) Yoga nidra still helps, with or without medication

(45:10 – 45:34) Loved ones noticing improvement

(45:35 – 46:08) Day seven: sea swimming and breakfast adjustments

(46:09 – 46:30) Medication working better with proper food

(46:31 – 46:55) Day eight: higher dose and feeling the difference

(46:56 – 47:24) Prioritising proper rest and feeling grateful

(47:25 – 47:50) Breakfast rebellion and experimenting with protein

(47:51 – 48:24) Wrapping up: encouragement and medical caveats

(48:25 – 49:00) Bonus content for Sole to Soul Circle members

(49:01 – 54:04) Next week: how cats make everything better

FULL TRANSCRIPT

And again, I was thinking maybe it’s not working, but I know the importance of breakfast now. So I had a protein bar with the tablet, first thing.

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, and you’re listening to episode 69 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Every Tuesday, I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self, that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, most brilliant, joyful, miraculous part of yourself.

The idea is to help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from. And you can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

For deeper dives into each week’s theme, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle for bonus interviews, practices and rituals, plus access to a rich archive, including the Love Your Whole Self Chakra Journey.

And you can also find out more in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. And I have lots of other resources on the website, selfcarecoaching.net. In today’s episode, it’s a bit of a different episode to normal. I did a bit of a video diary a few weeks ago when I started my ADHD medication.

Today is Lughnasadh and it’s a Celtic Wheel of the Year celebration of harvest. And harvest is my word for 2025. And it’s been really interesting with the ADHD medication. The first day I felt like I was cheating at life because it felt so much easier. It’s not that straightforward, obviously. And I’m including daily diaries of my first eight days on it.

Lugh was a multi-talented God. He was a poet, a warrior and a craftsperson. He did it all and he did it all excellently. With ADHD, we want to be able to harness our creativity and not feel ashamed of being able to do lots of things. I hope you find this episode helpful.

It’s very much not telling you what you should or shouldn’t be doing. It’s purely sharing my own lived experience of my first nine days on the medication. And I’m recording this before I see the psychiatrist to review it again. I hope you find it helpful.

If you haven’t already subscribed, please do so. It really helps. Let me know if you have any questions or any other comments.

So this is my ADHD medication saga continued, but actually about to start the medication. I picked up the prescription today and I start tomorrow morning. And life is very stressful right now. My dad, was taken to hospital in an ambulance six days ago.

I’m trying to think, like, there’s no point saying Friday or whatever because I don’t know if I’ll share this or when. But yeah, anyway, my work is all about everyone knowing what’s right for them. But apparently, the medication will help navigate everything.

So I have high hopes and we shall see. I will start on it in the morning.

DAY 1

So today is the day I’ve been waiting for since August 2024 when I got my diagnosis and the psychiatrist talked about how the ADHD medication could work and should work, in her opinion.

I can’t quite believe it, but I get to try it this morning. And I’m saying I get to try it because I am scared. I’m not used to medication working for me.

The endometriosis pain relief never, ever, ever worked. And so like things like antihistamines or things like that, I’m like, “Oh, it’s a miracle.” So I do have high hopes and I’m going to have breakfast and I am going to potentially transform my life by taking a pill rather than working so hard at self-care like I have for decades. To feel better.

Not to say I’ll stop doing all the self-care, but it feels potentially transformative and miraculous. And as you can tell, Rainbow Magnificat is just as excited as I am.

It’s 8.35pm on day one of my 30mg on the Tyvense ADHD medication. I recorded a few short videos this morning and I’m going to record at least one daily update for at least a week, I think, with the intention of sharing it as a podcast episode, because if you’re anything like me, you might be a bit scared and I want to help demystify as much as I can.

So some learnings from day one. First of all, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

I had no idea even when the psychiatrist was telling me about the impact. I couldn’t properly imagine it. And even when I was benefiting this morning, I was still telling myself maybe it’s a placebo effect, even like, I think the placebo effect is wonderful.

But it was like, no, it can’t be like, I feel like I’m cheating. I feel like I’m cheating at life. It was the most bizarre feeling and I could immediately feel like, not immediately, but like within an hour or so, I could feel, when I had a concussion in 2023, beginning of 2023, up until the August, if I ever did things, I felt my brain, I felt like I could feel my bruised brain.

And it was a lot of the time up until the April, this had happened in the January. But I never felt that before consciously, maybe when I was much younger, maybe when I was drinking. But today with the medication, I was really conscious of feeling my brain, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It wasn’t like the concussion. I’m really selling it here. It’s not like a concussion, but I could feel it. It’s the weirdest thing. I could especially feel it behind my eyes.

And yeah, I left the house in one go. I went for a swim before visiting my parents. My dad had been in hospital and he discharged himself against medical advice yesterday so it’s been a really stressful time, but he is thankfully doing well. But I had a gorgeous swim. I was at things in the morning that normally take a lot longer. I am still behind on all my bookkeeping. I’ve been running my own business for over 20 years. I have my UK accounts as well as my Irish accounts. And it just takes me, I’m not great with numbers. I have that dyscalculia. I can feel like crying and regularly do feel like crying, just putting bank statements into date order or receipts into date order. And I have a crate now that I kind of put everything in.

And my intention is that I weekly kind of clear it, but it’s built up again. Life has been really hectic. So it was like a month and a half’s worth of updating Xero, the accounting software that I started using last year. In order to do that, my phone, I’d got an upgrade on my phone since last doing this. My Bank of Ireland authentication wasn’t working. So I had to ring the Bank of Ireland business online.

The last time I had to do that, I could have wept. In fact, I did weep because it was so frustrating trying to get through to anyone. I went into the branch because I got this strange, strange letter. The person in the branch, I found I was on hold, but I did it like, I guess, body doubling around people. But I just thought this, all the call centres, I used to work in a call centre. I know how overworked they all are.

But it’s so frustrating when you’re just trying to talk to a human. And in the end, back then, however many months ago, I handed my phone to one of the humans who worked there, and he was struggling as well to get things rectified.

So this morning, all of this was going through my head. And I’m thinking, “Oh, my God, the whole day is going to be gone. And I need to swim. I need to see my parents. And I’ve got loads of sessions. So I thought all that but before I knew it, I’d just picked up the phone and rung. So that is very different. That is incredibly different.

The woman was really helpful. And I got the new authentication. I apologised a couple of times. I’m sorry, I’m not great with numbers. And in the past, I’d have been really shame spiralling, because I’m really conscious that all the numbers, and I kind of joke about, “Oh, my goodness, I don’t know how hackers do it. I can’t get into my own accounts.”

But she got it set up. I got onto my Xero. It authenticated. And I was able to do my Bank of Ireland accounts and my UK Smile accounts. For the Smile account, it doesn’t automatically go into the software. I have to periodically, so I was doing like a month and a half’s worth today, go in and copy and paste transactions into a spreadsheet.

Are you losing the will to live listening to this? It’s a different spreadsheet to the template that Xero need. It’s the kind of thing, and I remember, again, with the concussion, just looking from one side of the screen to the other, it was like, I deleted thousands and thousands of documents a few weeks ago when I was trying to optimise my laptop and life. And one of the documents was an almost 20-year-old document.

I’d had my whole business life, nearly 21 years, although it can’t be that, because I lost my computer a few years into the business and started again.

But many, many years, like a long, long time. I had checklists, I had passwords, I had templates, I had all sorts of things, phone numbers, contacts, all sorts of things. And I just lost it. I was really hoping today that I would be able to remember having done the Xero thing a few times and not have to go in. What I should actually do is create a new template for that. I was able to do it. I did it in an amazingly short sense of time. And it didn’t feel as upsetting as it normally does. Because with numbers, I normally, it’s funny, I make my living with words. I’m a writer and all. But I really struggle with numbers.

And even remembering like four digits or six digits from a security code to then put into the other device, it really normally makes my head hurt. But using that this morning as a kind of a test, I guess, for the medication and it really did help.

And I can’t remember, it’s worn off now, don’t know if you can tell, but I can’t remember if I told you that I left the house in one go, but I left the house in one go!

Normally, I get to the car or I get to my bike. Sometimes on my bike, I’ll cycle halfway down the lane, like it’s a mile long before you get onto the main road. And it’ll be like, “Oh, I forgot my helmet or forgot my high vis.”

Go home, get it before going onto the busy road. Or I’ll get into the car and I’ll be like, “Oh, I’ve forgotten…” whatever it is.

And today I got into the car and I drove to the pool and it was like, “Oh my god, I didn’t have to go back for anything! I hope I’ve got my swimsuit.” And I did. I had everything I needed for the pool. I had everything I needed to see my parents. And I thought that’s utterly incredible.

Oh my god, that’s completely on its own worth the 80 euros a month for the prescription once I fill out the Drug Payment Scheme form to get it capped at that.

So that was amazing.

A thing I found challenging was having breakfast. I felt evil ignoring the cats who wanted my attention. I normally get out of bed and feed them straight away and do some yoga, like brush my teeth, not necessarily in that order.

I’d normally feed the cats, brush my teeth, do some yoga. When I feed the cats, I’d normally put on the kettle and make like a hot lemon, ginger and maple syrup hot drink and a rosemary tea for later.

I know I need a lot of time to get started in the morning. So I don’t have appointments first, first thing, and make sure I have enough time before that. But this morning, it’s like, I know I need to take the medication first thing. And I know I’m supposed to eat protein. And I don’t like, I will often get to like 2pm for breakfast. So that really felt like, oh, I don’t want to.

I had a whole grain toast with peanut butter and mushed banana and a bit of Vego spread, the vegan chocolate spread, which is so delicious. And I just ate it. It was like, I didn’t enjoy it. I do enjoy it. But normally, I would sit down and or normally I would stand outside or sit outside, or at least look out the window at the beautiful scenery.

Today, it was just like got to take medication got to do so that felt quite stressful. I was really scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen when I took it. I am aware it has side effects. I’m aware that I wasn’t allowed to start on it when I was first diagnosed.

I had to have loads of tests or not loads, but a few tests to check that my heart was able for it. And then once I got those test results, it took me ages to remember to send the additional information, first of all to my GP and then to the psychiatrist.

So that was quite stressful this morning thinking, “What’s actually going to happen? Have I been getting my hopes up ridiculously? Will it be a bad thing? And like, could it make a really stressful time with what’s going on with my dad worse?”

And also, I had a busy day with sessions. And I obviously want to be my best for my clients, many of whom also have ADHD. Thinking about what I could do differently tomorrow and moving forward, I think I’m going to have a little like tub, not a tub, but a tiny little bowl, a handful of mixed nuts and seeds and a little bit of dark chocolate and maybe some raisins. But just so as soon as I wake up before I get out of bed so I’ve done my meditation, but I’m not out of bed, I can kind of eat the nuts and journal and read my cards and do all the nice things that I’m able to do many mornings, not every morning. I think that will then help me get out of bed, feed the cats, do the yoga, like brush my teeth, all that stuff, but knowing that I’ve done it.

And so it’s not that pressure. In terms of loss of appetite, which I was concerned about, I’ve just, we had a power cut earlier in the day, I guess it was stormier than I realised in the West. I was in an in-person session at the time, so I didn’t notice until afterwards.

I had to use my phone as a hotspot for my laptop, which thankfully both were charged enough, but not as charged the phone, I’d normally have it much higher charge. And my little power pack that I’ve had for years, and funnily enough, since the concussion, my partner brought it to me in the hospital, it seems to be dead now, so I need to get another one of those.

I was thinking in terms of setting systems up, in terms of making things as easy for myself as possible, it’s something I’ve always been really, really organised and fascinated by organisation and interested in it. I used to go into people’s homes and do clutter clearing coaching and help like nearly 20 years ago with that.

It’s something that I love, but also that doesn’t come easily, which is why I’m so fascinated by it. But thinking, I think with the medication just from today, it’s going to make all the strides I’ve made in terms of optimising my phone, my podcast, my Substack, my website, my laptop, all these things that I’ve just wanted, I think since the concussion, I’ve wanted to simplify and make as easy as possible all the things I find so challenging, because I love the client work so, so much.

I love the writing so, so much, but it’s all the stuff around that, that would make me cry, that would make me really stressed.

I think the nuts and seeds by the bed, and then just taking the medication and then getting on with my day without the fear I had this morning, just knowing, okay, so it’s supposed to last for 10 hours. And it has worn off.

I’m still conscious of a little bit of, it’s funny this morning, I really could feel my brain. And in the last hour and a half, I’ve been aware again of my brain, but more around my nose this morning, it was more behind my eyes.

I hope I’m not describing terrible side effects that mean something else. And here’s me thinking, yeah, the medication is working. And then I’m going to die or something. And it’ll be like, oh, that was a warning sign. But I won’t delete that out.

I think that’s another thing I noticed today. I’m not having as many irrational thoughts. And I don’t mean to be down on myself when I say that, but I do have a lot of irrational thoughts.

And I’ve learned to live with them. I’ve learned to navigate the trauma history, ADHD, rumination, all of it much, much quicker.

The daily meditation helps, I’m sure, in getting the prefrontal cortex back on board and helping talk myself down. Whereas today, I had a thought, I’m not going to call it irrational. And I did something about it. I put a safety measure in place. And then I forgot all about it. And then I thought, “Wow, I just spent so long in the past, kind of worrying.”

I do so much to counter all the worry, all the stress, all the anxiety. And thinking, it’s day one. And I’ve heard from a friend who is on medication. And I’ve been kind of talking to her as she’s been going through this journey. And like lots of people, like, thankfully, we’ve got kind of connections with each other. And we can learn from each other.

But she was saying, yeah, the first few days, it’s so euphoric. But there is also obviously that grief in terms of how much easier, like, I can’t think how many times I thought this morning, I’m cheating. I’m cheating. Oh, my God, I feel like I’m cheating. And it’s how are you cheating?

You went to the doctor, you got referred, you went to the psychiatrist, you got diagnosed, you’ve taken the medication, it seems to be working how it’s supposed to be working. Your brain right now is working as normal brains are supposed to work.

But because it isn’t as tangled as so often, you feel like you’re cheating. So this is potentially an ADHD overshare. But I hope it helps.

And I will share more tomorrow. And I will then put all of these videos together and do a podcast episode, very much my lived experience very much.

We’re all different. I just hope that sharing my lived experience will help you maybe feel a bit more knowledgeable, a bit more what to expect a bit more confident about trusting your own body and your own brain.

I think most of all, what I wish I could say to let’s say Three Months Ago Me because I sat on those results, I could have started it three months ago, I had to have the tests, I couldn’t have done it before I couldn’t have sped up the referrals. But certainly when I got the results, I could have immediately contacted the GP and the psychiatrist (But ADHD).

I could have had an extra three months of more clarity and focus. And if you are sitting on the fence, or hedge or wall or whatever you want to be sitting on. And if you’re wondering, try it, it might work for you, it might not, it might need adjustment. It might be that you are self-diagnosed, and you’re thinking about getting a formal diagnosis, which I know are really expensive. That was one of the huge delays for me.

But I cannot believe day one, what a difference it’s made. I want this for everyone. I want like kind of, I want life to feel easier, there’s enough hardship, there’s enough suffering. So if there’s something you can do to make it easier for yourself.

I never really thought I’d see medication as self-care, but of course it is. Sending lots of love and I will share more tomorrow.

DAY 2

So day two of my ADHD medication, and I had a little jar of nuts that I prepared last night to have right by the bedside table, on the bedside table.

As soon as I woke up, or as soon as I was ready to get up, I ate them and then took one of the tablets. Then I had a luxurious normal Saturday morning, where I try every week to take a 12 hour mini silence from Friday night to Saturday morning, and turn phone off, no telly, no washing machine, no music, no nothing. And I thought, okay, I will carry on with what I started yesterday, catching up with the bookkeeping.

But it’s a Saturday. And other than that, I just need to edit the podcast episode and get that uploaded onto all the platforms and all the rest of it. So I did a great, like kind of session with an enormous crate filled with receipts and financial papers and all sorts of things I would normally find really stressful. And today I got them into order. And I feel great. I haven’t completed everything. Because I, well, I mean, I’ve done so much, it doesn’t matter. I’ve done way more than I expected to do. And I’m sure that the medication did help.

Unfortunately, when I went to then do the podcast episode, it was more technical than I’d realised. I hadn’t done as much on the episode as I thought. So it involved all the cutting and editing of the podcast, I’d edited the transcripts. And then I had a few technical hitches with the uploading. It’s taken much longer than I thought. I thought it would be a nice, really relaxing Saturday, just in front of the telly doing some kind of admin-y easy bits. And it hasn’t been. I’m running late.

I’ve had to kind of apologise to my partner. I’ll be there later. And all is okay. All is better than OK. Because I have done it. I’ve caught up in with months worth of financial admin in a day or like yesterday and today. I had a lot of sessions yesterday as well.

I do have like I need to update the spreadsheet still, but I’ve updated the Xero I’ve updated the spreadsheet. I can’t think now. I think it’s beginning to wear off. I’m impressed by it. I haven’t had that same kind of tightness around the head that I had yesterday. So I don’t know if my body is acclimatising.

It’s still the very low dose. I like to think that the nuts and seeds helped apparently protein first thing is really good. I did a lovely yoga practice before it kicked in as well. And I dealt with the cats as always. But it just it’s weird. It’s really I mean, it’s day two and it’s less weird than I anticipated.

I’m finding a little bit hard to judge because I try to not work Saturdays, but this has been an unusually stressful week. And so it’s been a pretty full on day catching up with everything. And it’s been worth it. And I feel good. I feel fine.

I will see how tomorrow goes where I have a lovely day off planned and keep going with the updates probably a week’s worth in case anyone is wondering how they might affect them.

And again, just to be clear, this is how it’s impacting me. It doesn’t mean it will impact anyone else in the same way. I just hope it demystifies it a little bit.

DAY 3

It’s day three of the ADHD medication. And it’s amazing how quickly I’ve adapted to it. And today was quite unusual. Because I was up at 5:30am to go snorkelling in Tipperary. It was a long journey. And yeah, I normally now I say normally I did it yesterday.

That’s the only time I’ll continue to do it because it worked well yesterday. But having the handful of quite a big handful of mixed nuts with a bit of dark chocolate and some raisins right by the bedside so I can eat it first thing and then take the tablet. I think that’s the way forward.

Because it was 5:30 I figured I could wait until my partner made breakfast. He jokes that it’s an all day breakfast for me. It’s a mixture of fruit and vegan yogurt and granola and seeds and what have you. Really lovely. But as the day goes on, it gets a little bit trifle-y because obviously I haven’t had trifle in ages because it’s not vegan.

Today it was like right quickly eat it before the medication and then you don’t have to think about it. We were going out for lunch for someone’s birthday as well. I just got chips and vegetables rather than even trying to find somewhere with vegan options. I mean chips and vegetables is a vegan option. I just knew with the appetite element because I took it so early.

I took it like around seven o’clock this morning. I was a bit worried about it wearing off on my drive home and I didn’t notice it. That first day where I could really felt like I could feel my brain and behind my eyes and behind my nose. I felt that a tiny bit yesterday at one point, but I haven’t felt it at all today.

My partner thinks it’s definitely making a difference for me in a positive way. I think that it helped me navigate very little sleep last night. I was working all day yesterday which was a Saturday which is far from ideal, but I’m so happy that I’ve done it because it makes this week so much easier with everything that’s been going with my dad and he’s out of hospital but against medical advice. But at the same time he is OK, which is amazing. But that has been stressful.

Lots of the medication has worn off today, but I can’t believe how well it seems to be working. I just cannot believe. I’ve encouraged so many clients to give the medication a go and try the medication and I’ve heard their success stories and their horror stories because everyone’s different.

I’ve got so many friends who’ve gone through it and we’ve been sharing journeys and I felt really frustrated for so long because I heard amazing things, it sounded like a fairytale and then with the cardiology element I thought I couldn’t and so I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

Something else that held me back like when I hadn’t handed in the information from the cardiologist to the GP and then to the psychiatrist, I had that information to forward in March and I only got it sorted late June.

I think part of it was a fear that I would get dependent on the medication, that it might be life-changing and that it would then go away and then where would I be? I’d be worse off than I ever had been, which is completely not the most rational way of going through life.

I mean that reminds me of, I’m not going to even say things it reminded me of because they’re not rational, just thinking after loss, “I’m never going to love again, I’m never going to…”, like kind of that’s it, closing my heart, closing my life.

If the medication works and if it doesn’t have side effects and if I can take it that’s wonderful and then if something were to happen with the supply or whatever, maybe like other, whatever might go wrong I’ll still be glad to have given myself a bit of a break, like I’m just noticing in three days it’s incredible, it’s like I mean I’m still, I’m not the most, like I don’t have the best memory in the world but I don’t feel like I’m forgetting as much, I don’t feel like I’m having to go back as much for things as I would normally do.

I wouldn’t be normally stressing about it, I’d be giving myself grace about it because I’ve learned self-compassion over the years but it really is amazing just thinking how much time I’ve wasted and thinking like what the psychiatrist said when she told me about it initially. I’ve got a review with her in a few weeks, she said people tend to sleep better because they’ve got more done during the day so they’re not anxious about all the things and of course ADHD brains overscheduling, wanting to do it all rather than little micro elements of projects and what have you.

Yeah I am feeling good, I’m looking forward to Monday tomorrow, I’m gonna have a restful evening now, I’m home after a busy weekend, I’m taking things off my plate because I did so much all week and I want to be rested for the week ahead and if you are curious, if you are, I would definitely, I mean I always say always seek medical advice, I’m a huge fan of complementary therapies and I know like the daily yoga, the meditation, the yoga nidras, all the things I do, they’re so valuable and I so appreciate them and I love and I continue but yeah I had no idea that popping a pill would actually seemingly work so yeah I will update you tomorrow.

Oh yeah quickly, so yoga, like I do yoga every morning, when I’m at home I normally have cat company and it’s very cute and I scoop them up for cuddles and I might look out the window at the donkeys or the mountains and I love it, it’s just a gentle start to the day.

I noticed yesterday when I was doing my yoga, my cat, one of my cats was on the mat, Rainbow Magnificat, was on the mat with me. And I was able to appreciate her but not get distracted by her and it’s like, “Oh my god this is bizarre!”

Anyway, I hope that you are doing well in your own ADHD and medication journey and I will share more tomorrow.

DAY 4

I’m on day four of the medication and I was looking forward to starting the day with my little jar of mixed nuts and seeds and a little bit of dark chocolate.

And when I woke up this morning I was like, “I’m not a squirrel!” and I refused to eat it. I didn’t have a lot of time before my first client but I forced myself to have some granola and almond milk and then I took the tablet but it really didn’t work. As in, the tablet worked but the easy, soothing breakfast didn’t work.

I need to figure out a better way to get protein into me first thing in the morning with minimal effort. I do love nuts sometimes but this morning I was really like, “I am not a squirrel! You can’t make me!” to myself. Which is a bit silly.

But it’s all information so I was thinking about alternatives. I love my oat milkshakes. I call them protein shakes a friend of mine calls them fat shakes. I include oats, nut butter, bananas, cacao powder and nut milk and they’re delicious.

They’re like also with the chia puddings or vegan yogurt protein the chia puddings I love but with all of it I need something I can have first thing in the morning. And I can’t have something straight out the fridge.

I know that might sound a bit strange but I need to let my yogurt my vegan yogurt, my chia puddings, my oat milkshakes, my everything get that bit closer to room temperature. So I’ll be experimenting with that.

I haven’t felt my brain in the same way as I did on Friday since Friday. I’ve had the odd little kind of feeling but the moving into the medicated state and it wearing off has been pretty easy.

It’s not been the rollercoaster that others have described which has been a huge relief and I’m actually looking forward to increasing the dose. I’ve got two more days on this dose. I am thinking of breakfast options and that’s the another timer… hang on I had a timer on to remind me to turn the oven off because I’m about to have lunch because I’m recording this at 6.50pm.

I’m guessing that the medication has worn off. I had like kind of nuts and dark chocolate during the day and a carrot and I had my granola this morning it’s interesting in terms of the appetite element because essentially it is like kind of speed. It’s a stimulant. I know that I’m carrying extra weight around my abdomen which isn’t a healthy place to carry it but I also know that as a woman who was raised in a patriarchal white supremacist misogynistic culture capitalist all the rest of it, I remember as a teenager kind of being almost anorexic and luckily not, but when I kind of came to terms with that as a teenager and the kind of realisation that all of the diet culture was a way of wanting women to take up less space in the world, it kind of annoys me.

It does very much annoys me the way that we are encouraged to take up less space in the world. I was worried about the appetite element and I was worried, I’m in no danger of wasting away but I was worried about wasting away. Which might sound silly. I am looking forward to having this late lunch now.

I’ll have like some mashed parsnip and turnip with a baked potato and a vegan chicken with some vegan gravy and as in a fake vegan and southern fried chicken fillets type thing I’m really looking forward to that. My appetite is here so I guess the medication has worn off for the day.

I need to get better at breakfast. I think that really is going to be key and it’s also really interesting looking forward to starting work the next day rather than doing what I’ve done for 20 plus years as my own boss and probably many years before that working for others. Thinking, “Oh if I just carry on I’ll just finish this,” It’s like nope and today I actually had the thought on the medication I was doing three loads of laundry in between clients and it was like OK I’m not going to have time to hang three loads of laundry I’m going to set the timer for in between the sessions and I’ll do what I get done and I left it just like for that next hour and then went back to it but it my partner said something about compulsive.

And I that sounds awful but I think that is it in a nutshell which makes sense with the impulsive element of ADHD, it’s like I’ve got to finish this rather than I want to finish this or I’m choosing to finish this.

So I’ve gone through my diary my desk diary for today and I’ve deleted I’ve just cancelled the things that I’m not going to finish tonight. I made myself go for a swim which was gorgeous but I was thinking I didn’t have the time while also recognising I really need to prioritise the self-care with all the stuff going on at the moment.

And thinking also, when I did my yoga nidra today, I thought I’m going to actually do a 40 minute one and I was a bit worried because I’ve been under an enormous amount of pressure I didn’t think I would be able for it.

And I am a bit disappointed that my mind does still wander and it takes a lot of concentration to bring the awareness back to the instructions and all of that I’m a human we all do it but I’d kind of hoped that it would massively reduce all the thoughts.

And it has reduced but not to the degree that I had hoped. But if I recognised that it was a much longer practice than I’ve been doing for the past few weeks, that is pretty good and also for the first time in I don’t know how long, I normally finish a yoga nidra whether I’m guiding myself through it or listening to one of my own recordings (you can access them just search yoga nidra on my Substack or on selfcarecoaching.net or on YouTube) but whether it’s me guiding myself in a recording or live or whether I’m listening to someone else, I’m very much onto the next thing by the time it finishes. I’m like, “Yay! I love it so much and I’m ready!”

Whereas today and I don’t know if this is medication related or complete coincidence for the first time that I can remember ever doing a yoga nidra, like when I used to like before Covid and before so much was online and it would be in person it would be in yoga studios it would be and I’d pretend.

I spent a lot of time pretending to be relaxed and at ease and peace and all the rest of it when I was younger. But I would be mentally charging ahead and thinking about do do do do do. Whereas today, it was like it finished and I rolled onto my side and I paused and I then got up. That feels, I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if it means anything but it does feel quite significant.

I will update you more tomorrow. I hope that you’re finding this journey helpful.

DAY 5

So day five of the medication. Penultimate day on the lowest dose and I had an oat milkshake for breakfast and I took it out the freezer last night took it out the fridge when I got up for the loo in the night and added my magnesium and a bit more oat milk to it when I then woke up. I still didn’t drink it straight away. I had it around 9:30 and had my medication after that. But it felt more relaxed sorting out the cats and just faffing around.

I’m not a leap out of bed energised kind of person and I realise that I am able to get out of bed I do have a lot of motivation in many ways but I’m relieved from my experience so far that it’s not a huge rollercoaster in terms of when the medication kicks in and when it doesn’t.

I’d initially worried about timing in terms of clients and what have you not wanting to suddenly be very focused if I’ve not been in a session I didn’t want a big change or anything like that but this seems quite a smooth transition both in terms of it kicking in and it winding down.

Today, for the first time, I was actually wondering if it was working. A friend, neighbour friend and I, we took a sledgehammer to an ancient battered old fridge that had been left in the garden when I moved here. It had been too big for anyone to move but Storm Eowyn back in January destroyed it. We had screwdrivers and hammers and eventually a sledgehammer. And I’m (London Evei) thinking I do not recognise my life.

I’m tired from that. I’m tired from everything that’s been going on with the family. I’m tired from fitting in work and working like till 2am again and getting it all done feeling pretty good but recognising I am doing a lot.

So there’s that as well as being on completely new medication for me. At a certain point this afternoon I had lunch and then I had dinner around 6:30, no about six o’clock. And I thought, “Oh, maybe the medication isn’t working any more” because I was hungry and then I kind of realised, “Nope, it definitely did” because at 7:30 it was, and not too dramatic but dramatic enough to know I need an early night. I need a bit of a line tomorrow. I need to amplify all the things I was doing before I could try the medication.

I don’t want to be dependent entirely on that. And I’ve still been keeping up my yoga nidras, my yoga, all my normal practices. And again today, with my yoga nidra, it was only a 20 minute one but I stayed awake throughout. I was better able to focus. It’s still a challenge. I’ve been doing it for so long and I facilitate them and I still find it very challenging but today and yesterday for the first time ever, I wasn’t in a rush to get on with things when it finished. So it’s a very interesting, at least to me, process and I hope that it’s helpful for you.

DAY 6

Today is day six of my experiment with the ADHD medication. And it’s the first day that I thought, “Maybe it’s not working for me anymore.” It’s my penultimate day on the lower dose (I got that wrong yesterday) and I had breakfast later.

I just couldn’t.. I was working late last night with everything going on and also, I think I thought I could get away with it. And today I really couldn’t. It took me until 6pm to get dressed. I didn’t have any clients and I had a lot of writing work to do and it was tricky writing. I thought I’d get it done in two/three hours and I blocked off like four but it took all day and it’s still not 100%.

I still need to cut a couple hundred words. Just gonna, I was gonna show you Rainbow but I don’t think, there she be, you know. But yeah, I felt I’ve been struggling today and I’m looking forward to trying the higher dose. But based on today, it’s like, well I mean, that’s how I was generally like.

I would struggle. I did a longer yoga nidra today. 40 minutes and that really helped. But that helps without the medication. I did have that same experience where at the end of it I felt really like kind of not wanting to move. It always relaxes me but this is new on the medication and loved ones have told me that they definitely notice an improvement so it might just be that it just kind of it all caught up with me today.

But I will keep going. And yeah, I mean I’m lucky to be able to try it…

DAY 7

Day seven of the medication. I don’t know if you’ll be able to hear this or not. I’m swimming in the sea (doh!) and it is heavenly. And again, I was thinking maybe it’s not working but I know the importance of breakfast now.

I had a protein bar with the tablet first thing and then I made breakfast for me and my partner and had that leisurely breakfast (after sorting the cats and everything) and it seems to have worked well. But I am looking forward to the better dose tomorrow and hoping it makes more of a difference for me.

DAY 8

I’m on day eight now. I’ve gone up to the higher 40 milligram dose and people are telling me it’s definitely made a difference. I also heard that it stops working if you don’t get proper rest which makes sense of my experience a few nights ago.

So it’s kind of given me added motivation to prioritise proper rest and sleep and I’m really grateful for this opportunity to try it because it does feel like I’m cheating at life much more! It feels much easier in many, many ways.

I’m sticking with all my existing practices but they feel easier as well. Things just feel easier. The hardest thing still is figuring out breakfast and having to eat first thing which I struggle with.

But it will get easier. This morning, I had dal and bread because I just thought it would take a few minutes to heat up. I’d made it the other day and that was delicious but I think if I give myself permission to rebel about breakfast in terms of silly things but making sure it’s protein and first thing… yeah I’m really grateful.

I hope that this series of video diaries has helped you if you’re considering taking ADHD medication or seeking a diagnosis with a view to potentially trying medication.

Obviously, everyone’s different. Always see your doctor but I’ve gone from being really scared to really grateful!

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I’m your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham and if you are a member of the Sole to Soul Circle you’ll be getting your deeper dive tomorrow and the bonus content includes a special Metta meditation sending loving kindness to your whole self including those parts that perhaps are ambivalent about medication or if you have any injuries any chronic conditions any symptoms of trauma and ADHD that you’re struggling to love and accept in yourself.

This is an unusual Metta where it’s working with lots of your own different parts so I hope you find that helpful. You can join via selfcarecoaching.net or selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/ and that’s as little as eight euros a month and less if you do it annually.

Next week, I’m looking forward to sharing some of the ways in which cats can help make everything better.

It’s international cat day and I normally miss such things because here at Rainbow’s Residence, EVERY day is cat day. And I have so many.

I hope you have a gorgeous week. Thanks again for listening and look after yourself.