My highlights and ACTUAL self and Self care lessons from my Season 1 guests

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham, and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you connect with and take better care of yourself and create a life you don't need to retreat from.

Welcome to episode 35 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. In today's episode, I'm bookending the first season by talking about the highlights from my guests, especially the ones that I've properly integrated into my own self-care.

I'm indexing all of the episodes to help make it easier for you through the site selfcarecoaching.net as well as the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com and thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.ie depending on whether you want to watch or listen.

The index will cover various areas like anxiety, trauma, sleep, confidence, burnout, perimenopause, ADHD, and so on, reflecting my various specialisms within my practice.

I really wanted to be honest with myself as well as with you about how, even though each episode made me think, “Yes, this is amazing! I'm going to do this,” I decided to keep it simple and stick with the things that I have actually integrated.

That doesn’t mean I won’t go back because all of my guests were absolutely delightful, and I’ve learned so much from each of them. I’m sharing this because I want you to give yourself permission to only do what feels right for you in whatever season of your life you’re in at the moment. Don’t put additional pressure on yourself.

With that in mind, I’ll be finishing this episode by sharing a really simple tool for working with your Inner Child and increasing your self-care. Whether you do anything else, listen to any of the other episodes, or just take off all that pressure with the simple idea, I hope you enjoy it.

I will just bring out the book *365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Well-being* as a reminder. I have a lot of ideas; I love self-care, I love all things trauma recovery, and all things nervous system. It can be overwhelming, so I’m really excited to share this really simple tool.

From Rebecca Seal, my highlight that I have really remembered is her approach through her book *Be Bad Better*, where she looked at loads of research around things like rest and mindfulness and keeping our houses in order—things that are meant to help us feel good but often make us feel worse. She talked about revenge bedtime procrastination. Her episode really helped me remember the systemic forces that make self care more challenging. We live in a white supremacist patriarchal society, and industrialisation and colonisation affected so much of the world (I say with my English accent). This has gotten too many people out of touch with that embodied sense of what we all know we need and want.

Rebecca's episode helped me remember that it’s not just me being unable to go to bed at a reasonable hour when I get overly excited about something and end up down a wormhole. It’s that we live in a society that is amping up our nervous systems. We have access to so much wisdom and fun from around the world, so I hope you enjoy her episode as a wonderful permission giver, whatever area you're struggling with or enjoying.

Caroline Shola Arewa and many other episodes highlighted the need for rest, which was a personal challenge for me. I had high blood pressure for the first time in my life; I used to have low blood pressure but before Christmas, I had to make some massive changes, including giving myself a lunch break. Rest has been enormous this year, and I’ve blocked out more time off in my 20th year of being my own boss than I ever have before. I love it! Even though I still find it challenging to take full breaks and finish at a reasonable time, I even joined a sub aqua club for snorkelling. It’s kind of hard work but also so relaxing and fun.

Rest comes in many shapes and forms, and if you search for “rest” at selfcarecoaching.net, you’ll find lots of blogs, posts, and resources around that. Shola was one of the first guests to really mention that, and it was affirming for me to hear at that time.

From Sarupa Shah's episode, something I adopted and have kept up is a simple but delightful practice: Smiling at my reflection. I feel a little embarrassed saying this because it’s so simple, but it’s a lovely thing to do. I used to scowl at my reflection, but as she said, I smile at everyone else, so why not at myself?

Nick Williams reminded me of the importance of play. I’ve mentioned that a bit with the snorkelling, but finding time to play in many areas of life is so life-giving, recharging, and wonderful. He also talked about making time for “best thinking,” which ties in with rest for me. My work has transformed this year; so much has improved and changed.

Things have been stressful, especially since I became Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy in February. It’s had its challenges with a few 5am and 6am starts and 3am finishes, but I’ll get better at it and love it along with everything else I’m doing.

Working on a couple of book projects has been interesting, and connecting with that best thinking helps me recognize that rest, stillness, daily meditation, and yoga really encourage that. Journaling has also been mentioned by many guests, particularly the concept of Morning Pages. When this is indexed, you’ll see which episodes specifically refer to Julia Cameron's wonderful approach. Much as I adore Julia Cameron, I’m still more of an evening journaller before bed; it’s just not something I can manage first thing in the morning.

From Martine Henry, I loved her idea of giving herself grace. Just saying it now feels so simple, but when things don’t go as planned, giving myself a bit of grace around it is essential. For instance, I broke the handle on my petrol tank yesterday—my first time ever filling up with petrol! I just got my full driving licence less than a week ago and have been doing loads of driving. Thanks to Martine and all the self-talk and improvements I’ve made over the past two-plus decades, I was able to shrug it off much more easily than I would have in the past.

Emma Turnbull reminded me that self-care is not just something to cram into my morning or evening; it is very much a life practice. Veena Ugargol highlighted the need for compassion, which is so important. Susy (Sky)Walker talked about the joy of leaping, following one's heart, and taking those big leaps. She is very much a woman after my own heart—utter inspiration.

Gill Fennings discussed the need, especially for therapists and supervisors, to model gold standard self-care in order to do our jobs and be there for our clients, supervisors, and groups. I loved her episode as well. Dr Dina Glouberman talked about ImageWork and the joy of burnout. I’ve incorporated more ImageWork into my morning and evening practices, along with my meditation and yoga. I’ve amplified my morning yoga practice, and though the cats sometimes get in the way (I love them joining me on the mat but am glad I no longer ignore my need to move in favour of feeding them first thing), I’ve made it a point to do my yoga before I even brush my teeth. It already feels so much better.

I’m still nursing my shoulder and knee but imagining healthy, happy cartwheels and envisioning upgrading from a snorkelling member to a full-on scuba member, easily managing the weight of the gear and tanks… Dr Dina Glouberman does amazing work, and we all use our imagination so much, especially with trauma recovery, anxiety, and stress. It’s a wonderful practice to think about where you want your focus to be.

Dr Karen Ward, if you’re listening to this when it airs, you still have time to book for a circle I’m running with her on Monday, August 19th. You can check that out through MoonMná and book your place. Her biggest influence, which I did training with years ago, is connecting with the sacred land we live in. I’m Indian-Irish, London-born, and I’ve been living in Ireland for over five years now. I’m still pinching myself at how lucky I am to live here. Connecting with the sacred land has been an utter joy, especially now that I have my driving licence. The past year and a half has been about learning to drive, and now I can drive to all these beautiful places with my partner and on my own.

Leonie Dawson embraces her whole self, recognising the fun in that and having made such a success of it while honouring her nervous system. Even though so much of my work has been around regulating the nervous system for over a decade, I can still see her shining face as I remember that episode. I think it will encourage you - if you’re prone to overwork - to rest, honour your nervous system, and have fun with whatever you do, even your work.

Chris Oxborrow’s episode was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I adored what she said about recognising what you need being an important part of self-care, but also knowing that you DESERVE what you recognise you need. This is especially relevant with ADHD, trauma recovery, and chronic illness, where we’re often taught to try and not have needs. It was a really empowering interview, and I hope you love the episode as much as I did.

I loved what Josephine Hughes said about needing four hours a day for everything she’d like to be doing. It helps me feel more normal because while I love all these practices, but I’m not the fastest person on the planet. Sometimes my morning meditation only takes ten minutes; other times, my concentration is more challenging, and it can take an hour. I stay with it because I know I need that time to face the day.

Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas, the neuroscientist and gut health specialist, talked about the gut-brain axis. His insights, along with Jayne Leonard’s episode about cooking as self-care, have helped me start to love cooking again. I’m paying more attention to what I eat, integrating what I know about nutrition, and focusing on healthier, nourishing, and easy meals.

I hope you enjoyed Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas and Jayne Leonard’s episodes. I’m realising now that they’re both ADHD individuals as well as specialists. Louise Lucas (formerly Louise Brown) was brilliant, affirming that it’s okay to have big needs. Dr Sabina Brennan’s approach to aging is something I adore; I’ve always loved getting older. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up, and I feel like I’m finally a grown-up at 48, knowing how to drive.

My whole life, I wanted to be older, to know who I was and how to live. I love what she talks about, how it goes against the anti-aging industry. Many people she knows absolutely love aging. Yes, we learn to navigate aching joints and needing reading glasses, but the benefits, in my opinion, far outweigh the disadvantages.

Grainne O’Neill discussed the difference between worthy self-care and indulgent self-care, saying, “Sometimes you need a slice of chocolate cake and Netflix”. I really like that. I’ve already mentioned Jayne and the cooking, and Mick talked about making time for stillness and space, which I loved, especially with his busy work with addiction specialisation.

Jane Travis discussed boundaries—not just with people, but with time. That’s been a big learning for me this year. I’ve been finishing work at 9 most nights, and yes, there have been rare times I’ve worked past 3am, but thankfully that’s not common. Taking daily lunch breaks to do a longer yoga nidra than I used to has been a simple yet huge change.

Joanne Mallon was brilliant and I had such high hopes for myself in going to bed earlier when I interviewed her about a year ago. Her episode only aired a few weeks ago, but I’m still not going to bed as early as I’d like. It’s definitely progress, not perfection, and I love her matter-of-fact approach.

Colleen Kneafsey talked about reading, as did Leonie and Veena. I’m reading more during my lunch break and listening to audiobooks in the car or on my walks. I’ve always been a huge reader, but this has been beneficial in seeing reading as self-care. I’ve recognised that reading for pleasure recharges me as much as yoga or a conversation with a loved one.

Athena Sayaka talked about the discipline of self-care. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I have. If you have any questions or comments, or if you want to share what you’ve adopted or what you’re doing more of in your own self-care, I’d love to hear it.

My daily routine now includes waking up and meditating first thing because I’m not fit for anyone or anything before I do so. Sometimes I might be cuddled with my partner as he sleeps and I meditate, or I might have a cat, either Meadbh or Rainbow MagnifiCat, with me. I used to feed the cats immediately, but I’ve reclaimed that time and become less codependent with them. Now, I do a proper yoga practice on my way to brush my teeth.

I’ve been using the hallway for years because it looks up at the Reek, and I just love that. Even when you can’t see the Reek (aka Croagh Patrick Mountain), just knowing it’s there is comforting. I often do a Sleep Yoga practice before bed, preparing my body for rest. I also have hot water with lemon, ginger and maple syrup and make rosemary tea for later in the day. I don’t drink rosemary tea beyond 2pm because it can be a stimulant, but it’s great for memory.

I’ve been going for walks every day, and now that I can drive, I can go for more swims without psyching myself up to cycle into town. Connecting with nature every day has been wonderful. I’ve been doing more in the garden, and like Jayne helped me see cooking as self-care, I’m seeing working in the garden and field as self-care too. I feel so lucky.

If I could turn the computer around to show you the field, I would, but I’d probably knock everything over. You can see pictures and videos on my social media. Connecting with the cats also helps. I talk to my partner every night, whether on the phone or in person, and that’s become part of my routine, which I never thought I’d say. I’ve always been very independent, but I really love that connection.

I still love journaling, letting it all out, and reading my cards. I used to read three books before bed. Currently, I’m reading a book about garden design by the gorgeous Mary Reynolds, a vegan cookbook, and a novel. I’m taking less pressure off myself, sometimes just reading a novel or whatever I feel like, being less regimented about it.

Sometimes I don’t need to do my huge wind-down. I often put on lavender oil hours before and brush my teeth and floss hours before to make it easier to get into bed. I feel incredibly lucky that this is my work and my life. I still find it challenging, but I hope that as you listen to me and my guests, it encourages you to not give up on yourself and to do what feels good.

This brings me to the super simple idea I heard about on the Lazy Genius podcast recently. Kendra Adachi, introduced to me via Becca Seal's work in *Be Bad Better*, mentioned a parenting expert named Sam. I don’t know her last name, but you can Google "notice and do" and Sam, and I’m sure it will come up for you.

I’ve been asking all my guests what advice they’d love to give a younger version of themselves—what wisdom they’d like to send back. Often, with self-care, it has become so regimented and commercialised. Even though people say it’s not a pressure, I want to encourage you to do what Kendra is encouraging her children to do as they learn housework.

Sam recognized that a lot of the issue around emotional labour is that traditionally, women tend to be the ones conditioned to notice what needs doing. Even if they say, “Could you...,” they’ve had to notice and point it out. Then the partner or children might do it, but there could be arguments. Kendra has been doing this with her children, putting lists of things to do—'notice and do’ in the bathroom, bedroom, or living room—cultivating that way of noticing what needs to be done and then doing it.

So, I’m encouraging you now, rather than getting caught up in all the things I’ve just mentioned in today’s episode and in these 35 episodes with my guests or in the book or on the website, I want you to connect with yourself. Maybe close your eyes for a moment and notice what you need right now, and do it.

If nothing springs to mind immediately, you might want to, instead of breaking it down to kitchen or bathroom or living room, just notice what you need mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What self-care is really calling you? Make it as simple as that and then do it. If you can't do it right now, schedule it in.

Let me know how you get on. I would love to hear from you. There will be a Season 2, but I'm not sure when, so if you subscribe to my YouTube or via your favourite podcast app, you'll be aware of it when it comes out. Or you can subscribe to my weekly newsletter through selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/.

You can get in touch via the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com. You can also join the Embodied with Evei online community as a free or paid subscriber. Again, selfcarecoaching.net has all the information and loads more resources.

I really appreciate you joining me for this journey. I hope you found it as enjoyable and beneficial as I have, and I hope that you will continue to do and amp up your self-care to help yourself feel better every day. Connect with that highest, wisest, truest, most miraculous, joyful, brilliant, wildest part of yourself and create a life you don't need to retreat from.

This episode, like all of them, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. I'm looking forward to sharing some bonus episodes before Season 2, as well as Season 2. I've just loved this whole process, so thank you so much for being part of this journey.