Today, we’re looking at living life to the full. Not simply trying to calm your extra sensitive nervous system (although that is a wonderful way of bringing it into balance in this 24/7 society) but enjoying the lifted states
Welcome to Excitement Without AuDHD Burnout: Episode 124 of Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham
Doing the things that energise us, that excite us and bring joy more deliberately and frequently while also recognising that our extra sensitive nervous systems need more rest before and afterwards and building those buffers in.
What are your favourite ways to lift your nervous system? What gets you enthusiastic about life?
What helps you come back to earth with less of a crash? How can you better manage these transitions?
Thanks for watching/listening and let me know in the comments or by emailing eve@solestosoul.ie
le grá (with love),
Ev3
CHAPTERS
0:00 The nervous system has different states for a reason
1:43 Why sympathetic activation isn’t bad
3:41 Understanding AuDHD burnout and your own nervous system
5:31 The things that make you feel activated in a good way
6:54 Making space for joy and recovery
7:29 Knowing you deserve joy
9:39 Finding support in nature and spiritual practices
10:14 The role of community and co-regulation
11:35 Balancing connection with enough recovery time
12:39 Connecting with your younger self
13:30 Grounding and listening to what you need
LINKS
If you enjoyed this, check out:
Episode 84: Be Kinder to Your Extra Sensitive Nervous System
Episode 105: Su-Purr! Polyvagal Purrs evolution
Episode 115: Inoculate yourself against despair
Choose your own adventures: New adventures in the works including Inner Child Play, Stop Self Loathing, Move Past People Pleasing and Purpose, Meaning and Joy
Book your free telephone consultation and access 100s of body-mind practices at https://solestosoul.ie/free-downloads
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Recognising that the whole nervous system, all the states have their place. Obviously dorsal vagal is one to be avoided as much as possible. It’s when we move into that kind of collapse, that despair, that hopelessness, that helplessness.
But honouring that lifting the nervous system can be a good thing. Recognising that life is lifing and we appreciate the calm when we are enjoying ourselves as well, when we have things that are expanding our comfort zones, that are helping us grow in different ways. So when you think about burnout, when you think about AuDHD burnout, it can happen really quickly, it can happen really regularly.
And it’s not about trying to avoid anything that’s ever going to lift your nervous system. It’s about getting to know you and your specific nervous system.
You’re listening to the Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD podcast with me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.
You’re in the right place if you’d like to learn to love and care for all your parts from the soles of your feet to your soul. I hope you enjoy this episode. You can access other episodes and more information as well as ways of working with me and free downloads and more about the adventures at solestosoul.ie. That’s S-O-L-E-S-T-O-S-O-U-L.ie. Thanks for listening.
Today, we’re looking at the nervous system’s sympathetic activation, which is often presented as something to be avoided.
When I talk about Polyvagal Theory, Polyvagal Purrs and polyvagal-informed approaches and what I call Purr! Hiss! Freeze! and su-PURR, the Hiss! bit is the sympathetic survival. It’s the stress response. But although we often talk about wanting to calm the nervous system, to regulate in terms of calming, it’s not all about calming. The nervous system is supposed to lift.
We’re supposed to feel excitement and good, positive emotions and curiosity and to stay up later than perhaps is good for us, or to travel, or all these things that lift the nervous system to take on more than we can chew, to bite off more than we can chew, there’s so much that is activating with the nervous system. And when we’re stressed, when we’re anxious, it can feel very like, oh, just need to calm, need to calm. But I want you to consider working more deliberately with it, recognising that the whole nervous system, all the states have their place.
Obviously dorsal vagal is one to be avoided as much as possible. It’s when we move into that kind of collapse, that despair, that hopelessness, that helplessness. But honouring that lifting the nervous system can be a good thing.
Recognising that life is lifing and we appreciate the calm when we are enjoying ourselves as well, when we have things that are expanding our comfort zones, that are helping us grow in different ways. So when you think about burnout, when you think about AuDHD burnout, it can happen really quickly. It can happen really regularly.
And it’s not about trying to avoid anything that’s ever going to lift your nervous system. It’s about getting to know you and your specific nervous system, the kind of things that lift you in a joyful way. Like for some people, going to a gig or performing in a gig could feel hellish, whereas for someone else, it’s going to take a lot and it’s also going to give so much.
It’s totally worth doing. But you’re going to want to build in buffer times before and after as well. It’s getting to know you and what you need.
For other people, like I mentioned, travel, that can be a big one, time on the road or in planes or on trains or on a bike, whatever it might be, exerting yourself through dance or whatever, singing, creating, putting yourself out there in different ways. It can be really exciting. It can be terrifying.
Life can be, I can’t believe I’m quoting Boyzone, but I’ll put that emotional rollercoaster. When our nervous system’s in balance, we’re able to lift and lower without much trouble. Our heart rate variability is good. We have that stretch.
We have that kind of the high and the low, the flexibility and it’s an indication of good heart health as well. When we’re stressed, when our lives get smaller, it can be challenging to allow ourselves to do the things that feel good.
It can feel scary. So as we move into the FEEL. part of the FEEL. LOVE. HEAL. framework today, I want you to think about the things that make you feel activated, but in a really good way. So it might be playing the piano in front of other people, or it might be climbing a height to rescue a kitten, or being of service in some way that other people wouldn’t dream of doing, but you find it effortless.
It might be cooking for a group of people at very short notice, something that others might find impossible, but you thrive on. Whatever it might be, list these things that lift you, that excite you. It might be sex.
It might be a job. All the joyful things you can think of, list them here. Life is not about denying you.
Nervous system regulation is not about kind of, we’re not going to be on the level. We do, as AuDHDers, as trauma survivors, have bigger feelings, and it’s about welcoming the whole emotional landscape. So let yourself feel what feels good.
Let yourself use those good feelings to help you build resilience and capacity for the times where it’s more stressful.
Once you’ve listed them all, think about your schedule and how you can make time to allow more space, both to do these things that excite you, that lift you, that benefit you and also ensuring that you build in enough buffer time so that afterwards you can, if need be, just hang out under the duvet, completely hidden from the world for an hour, an afternoon, a day, whatever you need. It’s about knowing yourself.
As we move to the LOVE. part of the FEEL. LOVE. HEAL. framework, that part around connecting with that part of you that knows you’re not too much, that knows you are enough, that you’re lovable, you’re worthy, what helps you get into that state where you believe you deserve the effort it might take to put some of these measures in place, to give you some of these things that bring you joy.
I did an episode a few weeks ago about the Westport Pride weekend, Mayo Pride, and then going to Dublin and in between going to Achill Island and snorkelling and it was a really hectic weekend. My nervous system was enormously lifted and recording this now, I just remembered the situation in Dublin, having had the whole weekend and just feeling on such a high, a natural high and feeling on purpose and feeling grounded and energised and knowing that I had the next day to recover because I had overdone it.
How can you build more joy into your life? How can you know that you’re worthy of joy? What can you tell yourself to love and accept and support yourself? For me, it was even that weekend, recognising I was overdoing it and I was choosing to overdo it and that was OK and building in that time afterwards, allowing the inevitable tears, the inevitable extra sensitivity.
I was going to say oversensitivity, but I no longer say that about myself because the extra-sensitive nervous system is not a bad thing. Spending time in nature, the time I spent in the ocean that weekend really helped as well and it might be that nature is part of your excitement and it might be part of your recovery time.
Different kinds of nature giving different types of support as well. Might be other kinds of spiritual practices, or being with loved ones. Just again, write down some of the things in your toolkit.
I’m not reducing the magnificence of nature into a tool for your toolkit, but I do want you to get used to being able to choose how to feel and know that you deserve to feel how you want to feel.
Moving to the HEAL. part of the FEEL. LOVE. HEAL. framework, and thinking about the co-regulation. Thinking about it might be dancing at a club, it might be dancing at a party, it might be singing in a group, it might be performing in some other way, but that community, that communal energy, that being part of something bigger, and loving it, not in a way that feels unpleasant in any way, shape or form.
Discerning for yourself what feels good in community, with whom do you want to enjoy these experiences. It might be going to a gig on your own, but being part of something bigger, going to the cinema on your own, or the theatre on your own, or a yoga class on your own, or whatever it might be, or with a group that you know, going with friends. I don’t want to limit you by listing lots of things.
Think for yourself, who helps you feel good? Who helps you feel safe enough to go further? What communities are you holding, as well as being held by? How can you use some of what lifts you to potentially bring more joy, more energy to the communities, while also building in the equivalent of nap time, not overdoing things, having people overly activated?
And how can you give yourself permission to explain assertively and gently what you need when it comes to that buffer time, that space, when you’re overexerted, when you’re burnt out? We don’t always get things right, but how can you have compassion for yourself as you simply explain you need whatever time it is you need?
As you think back over your life so far, you might want to send some love and appreciation to a younger version of yourself, maybe reconnect with them, maybe with a hug, sending some wisdom, allowing it to come backwards as well, allowing yourself now to benefit from some of the things that younger you, teenage you, did pretty effortlessly in terms of lifting your nervous system, enjoying things in ways that perhaps you’ve stopped giving yourself permission for, letting it all go and letting me know how you’re getting on, either in the comments or emailing eve at solestosoul.ie.
Before you go, please take a moment to ground the episode by just pausing and scanning your parts, all your parts, from the soles of your feet to your soul. So you may want to keep your eyes open, you may want to close them, but planting your feet firmly on the ground, lengthening through the spine if that feels comfortable for you, letting yourself feel held by the chair or whatever it is you’re sitting or lying or standing on and taking just a moment to scan your whole self, your whole body, your whole energy field and ask yourself what you’re going to do for yourself right now.
It might be as a result of listening to the episode, it might be something else, it might be a nap, it might be something to eat, it might be some kind of movement, but let yourself ground, let yourself get into the habit of connecting with your inner wisdom and notice what you need and give yourself what you need.
Thanks for listening to this episode. If you haven’t already and would like to, please like, subscribe, comment, engage across the platforms wherever you may be accessing this and you can also email me eve at solestosoul.ie. Thank you for listening, I look forward to sharing more next week.