“We get a lot of meaning from creating spaces where people can come and connect, and feel like they’re in a place where they’re welcomed, and that some good things can happen.” ~ John Wilson, Co-director, Online Events
It was SUCH a joy to talk to Online Events’ co-director, John Wilson. As well as talking about his own ideal and actual self-care, Self care and collective care practices, he shares some of what he’s learned through co-creating such a nourishing online community for therapists, counsellors and supervisors.
CHAPTERS
0:01–2:26 Introduction, movement and nervous system support
2:26–3:38 Welcoming John Wilson of Online Events
3:38–6:22 John’s work, community building and setting the context
6:22–9:10 The Feel part: movement, walking, and self-regulation
9:10–12:16 Sleep, flexibility, and adapting self-care when plans change
12:16–14:04 Letting go of perfection and allowing partial practices
14:04–16:59 The Love part: nature, presence, and remembering connection
16:59–19:01 The Heal part: community, meaning, and shared purpose at work
19:01–22:38 Leadership, slowing down, and staying connected under pressure
22:38–24:04 Advice to a younger self and sustaining long-term projects
24:04–26:39 Closing reflections, where to find John, and final notes
LINKS
Where to find Online Events:
Website:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Online Eventscpd/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Online Events
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/Online Events/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Online Events_saz
Episode 86: Tracy Otsuka on the 43% of ADHDers with Excellent Mental Health
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Definitely movement is helpful for me. I’m not really a stationary person so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me. And that’s both physically and psychologically.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more, and access older episodes, at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com, and you can also access loads of free resources, and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.
I really hope you enjoy this episode, and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle Buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning.
It’s polyvagal informed journal prompts, to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal, what I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats, with the Polyvagal Purrs approach and I also share some of my own gratitudes, some of the things that have helped me feel more in the ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you.
I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that, but the journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and, potentially, the dorsal vagal (Freeze!).
It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself, and get to support yourself, and it’s all free. So if you haven’t already, you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net, and if you have any questions, again let me know eve@selfcarecoaching.net
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Welcome John Wilson, thank you so much for joining me!
Thank you, yes, thank you for having me on the podcast.
My absolute pleasure. I know you through Online Events, I was one of the presenters at the conference last year for neurodivergence around the rescue cats [Polyvagal Purrs – selfcarecoaching.net/feline], and I just think you’ve done so incredibly with what you’ve created, and providing so much support to so many people. And I also, really obviously, I don’t know you very well, but you seem to embody this calm, or you exude this calm, where I imagine your life is anything but, with all you’re dealing with.
I ask my guests about their ideal and actual self-care, but I’ll start by just asking you to introduce yourself, and maybe say a little bit about Online Events, and anything you want to allow people to find, where they can find you online, or anything you want to plug or promote.
Thank you Eve, well, thank you for having me on the podcast, that’s very generous, and it’s lovely to be here, and be in the conversation with you, and the listeners as well. As you say, I’m part of Online Events, I’m one of two directors, a director with my sister Sandra Wilson, so we’re a sibling team. What can I say about Online Events, we started in 2009, so we were really early in the online learning space, particularly in the helping professions, so we’ve had lots of different kinds of adventures, and there was a big increase in the scope of our work over the pandemic as well, because so many more colleagues came online, that allowed us to run a lot more things, and create a lot more experiences for the helping professions community, so I think since the pandemic we’ve run just almost about 3,000 events.
Wow, that’s a short period of time, for an enormous amount.
Yeah, but it took us about the first 10 years to get to maybe, I think we were around 800 events, and then we’ve done, yeah, it’s really exploded, and we do about 700 or 800 events a year now, maybe about 10 to 20 conferences, so yeah, we keep ourselves busy. So although often colleagues are seeing me on the video, I’m just the face of a very very good team.
I mean it’s not, obviously, as a director, as a co-founder, you have set the tone for that team, you have like kind of, don’t sell yourself short, but I will ask you, so where can, there’ll be a link in the show notes, but it’s Online Events.co.uk isn’t it, with just one e in the middle.
Yes, that’s a really important part, I learnt from experience.
Yes, okay, thank you for that. It seemed like a cool idea when we started the company, but I think it’s got a lot of people lost, but yes, Online Events, so you spell it onlinevents.co.uk, but we say Online Events, yeah.
And I’ll ask you about your ideal and actual self-care for the different parts of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The Feel bit is that regulatory lowercase, like hyphenated self-care, the things we actively do to help ourselves feel better. Sometimes we have the bandwidth for that, other times we don’t, and it can be easier to move into that kind of Love, self-acceptance, but often that’s harder, but that kind of what helps you remember you’re part of the divine, part of nature, you don’t need to do a thing to improve, and then finally the Heal bit is the co-regulation, the collective care, the community, the how you provide, obviously even more than I’d realised, community space for others, and also you’ve mentioned your team, but what else you use to hold yourself, like how you let yourself be held, so in each area the ideal and the actual.
If we start with feel and the regulatory, what would be your ideal self-care practices?
Definitely movement is helpful for me, so I’m not really a stationary person, so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me, and that’s both physically and psychologically. So of course working at the computer, there can be a lot of stationary times, so definitely having periods in the day where there’s movement, and you can imagine with all those events, and the team to take care of, the day can get really intense.
The ideal thing for me is to be up early, get a little bit of work done, get out and get an hour’s walk in, so that it’s grounded with some nature, and then back into work. Something about breaking, getting a little bit done, then doing something to care for myself, and to sustain myself.
While I’m walking, I’ll also have a meditation practice that I can listen to while I’m walking as well, so sitting and meditating isn’t easy for me, so if I’m in movement, and also having that kind of psychological and emotional experience while I’m on the move, can really help integrate that for me, it sets me up for the day.
Wonderful, what about later in the day? What would be ideal things to fit in?
The important thing for me is getting enough sleep, the temptation for me is just to squeeze the sleep time, and then of course it always catches up with me. If you keep overdrawing the bank, getting in a lot of trouble. So finishing work, having a little bit of downtime, and then making sure I’ve got enough time for sleep is really, really important. It sounds like a very basic thing, but that for me really impacts how my day and my week goes.
I interviewed Tracey Otsuka, who wrote ADHD for Smartass Women, and she said she used to get by on three or four hours sleep, and then she found out that it has huge health implications. She actually started setting a timer to sound like bells, pretended that she was Cinderella to beat the revenge bedtime procrastination and raced around to get to bed by the time she wanted to, to gamify it. I still have the revenge bedtime procrastination, but even remembering that it’s something, we live in a world that’s so go, go, go, but yeah.
So what helps you, you’ve mentioned they’re basic but they’re essential, if you don’t have time for your hour, and if you don’t have time for your full sleep routine, what would be the essentials? what would be the actual self-care? Well, I’m pretty good about getting my hour in the morning, and I think there’s something about having a non-negotiable in your day, but there are days when it isn’t possible, so sometimes I might still go out at the same time, but maybe just do 15 minutes, 20 minutes or something, or look for opportunities in the day where I might have a little break. I think, okay, I want to get out and have a little bit of movement, so I think it’s also easy for me to think, well if I can’t do what I’ve planned I’m not going to do it, whereas you can do a little bit of it, and I think that’s been an important realisation for me.
It seems obvious, why can’t you just go out for a little bit, but it’s easy to go, well if I can’t do the full hour what’s the point, and just kind of negotiating a bit with myself, or later in the day maybe if I had to have a busier start in the morning there might be a little bit of a space opens up later in the day, and that’s so important because it’s so easy for us to talk ourselves out of the things if we can’t do what we imagine is the idyllic thing, well won’t bother at all. A lot of people would love to do 15, 20 minutes, and they struggle to manage that, so just having that plan B, and yeah.
Yeah absolutely, and I think it’s more, I’m not able to quote who this is, but I was listening to something because sometimes I’m listening to the meditation and I’m like I’m not in the right mood, I feel like it’s not going in properly, and I was listening to someone saying about meditation, well if you go out in the rain it’s hard not to get wet, and I thought that was the kind of great thing, so sometimes I’m walking and I’m not managing to be that grounded, or there’s something else I’m thinking about, and it’s hard to get back there, but just sometimes I’ll just tell myself, or kind of remind myself of that little piece of thinking, and I think it’s really helpful to like something is happening, even if it’s not the full 100% experience.
Yeah, and it’s, we put so much pressure on ourselves don’t we, to have like the proper experience, rather than everything as information, and yeah, I guess I’m thinking just step by step, and like raindrop by raindrop, it’s very grounding anyway, you’re getting that fresh air, you’re getting the benefits of being out in nature.
And what about the Love element, the self-acceptance, the love archetype in psychosynthesis, the kind of you’re part of the divine, you’re part of nature, you don’t need to do a thing to improve yourself, what helps you with that ideally and as an essential.
Yes, I think that’s one of the things that the screens don’t help with. I mean I’m like everybody else, I’ve got a to do list, I’ll never get to the bottom of, you know that’s just part of life, and there’s always another email, or there’s so yeah, it is definitely a real challenge.
And I think being outside, ideally for me, water is really great, if I can be near a river or a larger body of water, really really helpful, but that’s not often that isn’t possible for me, so I might be walking along a road or something, not on the road, but a path that’s along the road, but sometimes I can be in a place where maybe there’s a little bit of trees beside the road, and so even just a little bit of nature is really really helpful to kind of feel part of that.
I was in a place a few weeks back, and it was really frosty, and I was kind of walking along a road with a path, and a kind of a wall with some trees, and there were some robins kind of jumping on and off the wall, and off to do their thing, and then I’m saying they’re coming back, not really to see me I suppose, but they’re doing their thing, and it’s just a tiny, tiny little thing, but it feel like you’re, I kind of had that feeling of being part of something, and yeah, yeah.
And what helps when you’re not, when you’re feeling potentially disconnected, what like helps you remember that we all are, and let’s say if you’re not outside, if you’re just at home or at work?
I think I’m lucky because every day I’ve got meetings with colleagues about events, or I’m in an event, or I’m also a psychotherapist, so I might be seeing a client or a supervisee, so really important in those meetings, not just to be all about the business of whatever the work is, but to also be in the contact, and that’s really, really important.
So it is in the course of the work, but like I’m kind of lucky to have lots of those kind of relational contacts, and I know at times, and this is a sign of getting disconnected, it’s like, oh got a lot to do, let’s hurry up, or let’s go on to the next thing, but just taking a bit more moment, to not just to do the work of course, but have the connection as well.
Yeah, so that segues beautifully into the heal part, the collective care, the community, and what helps you with that, like you mentioned your team earlier, you’ve obviously set up a strong system at work.
What helps you there in an ideal world, and also outside work, and what would be your one essential? Yes, well I think again, I mean I was going to say I’m lucky, but I think Sandra and I have created Online Events, and nurtured it, and kind of followed it as well, because sometimes it’s doing its own thing, we’re catching up, and it really is about community and connection and coming together.
And I think like often we can think about self-care as being really separate from work, but I think lots of colleagues in the helping professions feel this, it’s such an important part of life to have meaning and purpose in life, and I, Sandra and I, I think we get a lot of meaning from creating spaces where people can come and connect, and feel like they’re in a place where they’re welcomed, and that some good things can happen, and of course for Sandra and I to be in that too, that’s also very, very feeding and nurturing for us.
There’s like the getting of the meaning, and the experiencing of community. Hopefully our team has that feeling. I mean we also work hard, because I think what happens in the team happens in the wider container.
I think that’s a real source of nourishment and energy for me.
That is so lovely, and I’m thinking like in terms of like polyvagal guided approaches, like I use the cats, but that kind of ventral vagal, the pair, it’s all about safety and connection, and we thrive when we’re in that ventral vagal, like we feel safe, we feel welcome, we feel loved. The safer, I always think, when you go into any organisation, the people on the frontline, like at the checkout or wherever, if they’re not being treated well, it’s a terrible, like it’s also obviously terrible for those people not being treated well, but also it makes such bad business sense, because like when people feel valued, and they feel part of something, and they’re contributing, it transforms everything, and I love what you’re saying, even when you notice yourself rushing, that slowing down, and enjoying it, and what helps you with that when things are very hectic, like how do you slow down and connect?
Yeah, it’s a great question. It’s a really good question. Well, and I don’t always manage it. I think that’s the point of the podcast.
I don’t always manage it. So if anybody’s thinking, oh come on to Online Events, it always seems great, like at times we can be as a team, you know, like the furious paddling under the water, and sometimes we are stressed, because things aren’t going necessarily to plan.
I also think, well like work is such a huge part of life, and I want us to feel like we’re, like this is a good experience.
I want that in my life. There are other things I could do for work, and maybe it might be a bit easier. It could be more profitable, you know, like lots of, but I want to have a life where I feel like I’m doing the kind of things I want to do.
And Sandra and I want that for our team too, and I think that’s just a reminder of that, and the reminder of how easily that power balance can slip as well. Just because it’s nice for me doesn’t mean it’s nice for everybody else.
We try and meet several times a week, in different parts of the team, and I think being on Zoom, and seeing each other, and seeing each other’s faces, you get a sense of how is this going, or you know, and as someone who’s responsible for a team you can kind of see, oh maybe that didn’t land very well, you know, and maybe there’s a different way to say that, or a different approach to this project.
I think really being concerned about how everybody is, I think that reflection back to me is always a good reminder. And I think that’s different because from email or text communication, because it’s so easy just to fire off text based messages. But when you’ve got someone’s face in front of you, you can see how they are.
Yeah, that reflection is really helpful for me. Well thank you so much. Can I ask if you were to go back to 2009, or any younger you, what advice and love and care and wisdom would you like to share with you at that stage?
An interesting question. Well 2009 I still didn’t have any here, so wouldn’t be a barrier to keeping here. What would it be about? Well I think it’s like all projects. Sandra and I were so excited to get started, and so also concerned that we wouldn’t be able to, there wasn’t anything we’d be able to do, you know, or like we wouldn’t be able to serve the community in the ways that we wanted to.
And I think we’ve seen over the years, like if you stick at it things grow, not necessarily in the speed or the direction you think they would. I think that’s often the way with projects in life. But if you keep your heart in it, you keep your energy in it, something good will come from that.
And so maybe there’s something about, we don’t need to worry about it, just keep doing what you’re doing, and good things will come from that. Yeah, well it’s been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for joining me.
Well thank you. I really appreciate being here, and sharing some of some of what it’s like Online Events, and how and about managing and all of that. Thank you.
And are you, you’re on social media as well as Online Events, or is there anywhere else you want people to find you. We are on all of the socials. I’m not using that so much personally at the moment.
Maybe that’s another self-care thing, because like if you spread yourself too thin. Absolutely. Yeah.
Yeah. But definitely if people check us out, if people put in that unusual Online Events spelling into Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, we’re in all those places. Yeah.
Yeah. People can find us for sure. Well there’ll be links in the show notes.
And thanks a million. Thank you. Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.
This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. And if you haven’t already, and would like to, your subscribing or sharing or leaving a five star review or comment, engaging in whatever way feels good for you, feels right for you. It helps me reach as many people with ADHD and trauma histories as possible.
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