Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone – neurodivergent and neurotypical – celebrated our brains and unique ways of seeing and being in the world? If the world were set up to better support ALL of us? If no one was shamed simply for being the way they were?
“For us late diagnosed ADHDers, there is that mourning and that grief and that loss and that rage around how different entire lives could have been had we known, but also if the world were different and if the world were more set up. Even now, kids struggle having accommodations made for them even though the accommodations would support everyone, not just the neurodivergent children.”
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Episode 50 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast is out a little earlier to help you make the most of the whole week’s worth of events. You can sign up at https://www.neurodiversityweek.com/events
I hope you enjoy my ADHD chat with the lovely Jayne Leonard as we talk about what’s helped and is still helping us to befriend and celebrate our own late diagnosed ADHD brains.
le grá (with love),
FULL TRANSCRIPT
And yeah, I think just celebrate it, own it, you know, allow it, accept it. It’s not going to change, so you might as well work with it and, you know, make space for it. Yeah.
Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in.
If you want a deeper dive, you’ll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to the Soul to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing (selfcarecoaching.net/book).
Welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’ve got my vegan, ADHD, late diagnosed friend Jayne Leonard here again.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Thanks, Eve, looking forward to this episode.
So we’re talking about the Neurodiversity Celebration Week, which I did not write about in 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, because when I wrote this, even though I’d had a brain scan that showed an abnormality that correlated with ADHD, I was years and years away from self-diagnosis, let alone actual psychiatric diagnosis with ADHD.
But I think the whole world has woken up to the fact that we are not all the same and it’s a good thing and that there’s nothing necessarily wrong with anyone. It’s simply about differently wired brains and about conditions that support us rather than trying to fit round pegs into square holes, in which case everyone comes out feeling like if you’re not completely normal, like what’s normal, that there’s something wrong with you. And I’m thinking it’s not that long ago that left-handed children would have their hands tied behind their back to force them to write with their non-dominant hand. How sadistic was that?
And I think for us late diagnosed ADHDers, there is that mourning and that grief and that loss and that rage around how different entire lives could have been had we known, but also if the world were different and if the world were more set up. Even now, kids struggle having accommodations made for them even though the accommodations would support everyone, not just the neurodivergent children.
We wanted to just share a little bit about the things we celebrate about our differently wired brains and what we’d like to see more of for everyone.
Yeah, I love this. I love this topic. It’s definitely something I really do celebrate. I think even before I even thought I might have ADHD, I used to love this part of me that could hyper-focus and get so much done and learn so much about a topic. I did really well in certain areas because of this. I used to call it my superpower and my friends, my family say you’re like superwoman, but I almost like over-identified with that.
So then, you know, the times when you have to rest or you have the bit of the ADHD burnout, I would really berate myself, you know. But now I think I’ve found the balance of I’m celebrating this, but also recognising I need the downtime as well, the recovery period. Yeah.
Just for those of you who don’t know, Jayne is incredible. Not only is she a busy psychotherapist, she’s Vice Chair, my deputy on the Editorial Committee for the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IJCP), and she is doing her PhD. I don’t know if you want to say a tiny bit about your PhD and the amazing study you’re a big part of?
Yeah, well, just very briefly, I suppose, as I was on your podcast before (episodes 28, 42 and 45) talking about food and mental health and wellbeing.
So that’s kind of the area of my study: How we can use food to support us to feel better. And not just in terms of the actual nutrition from the food, but also our relationship with the food, the relationship it has to our culture, our identity, our social lives and the social aspect of food. And so, yeah, I’m doing a PhD on that. We’ll see how it goes now. We’ll see how incredible I am. I’m only a few months into it. We’ll see how the burnout goes.
Well, this is it. I think knowing you as a friend as well and knowing your schedule and just thinking, oh, my God/dess. And I also know that people hear some of what I’m doing, which I consider completely normal. And they’ll be like, oh, my God/dess, what are you doing?
I’ve learned to build in rest. Like in my desk diary, I’ve used purple highlighter to like carve out like a long lunch break as many days as I can for a longer yoga nidra. I’ve used like pink highlighter to take (most) weekends off because for so many years I was doing overlapping trainings in different types of therapies and coaching and so much.
It’s that challenge to honour the whole cycle, not just the hyperfocus, but the burnout, the days where getting dressed just feels impossible.
Yeah, I even booked a few nights away from myself, you know, in Kerry last week, just so I could hyperfocus. And then I had the downtime after and it’s just, yeah, I think celebrating it is working with this rather than expecting yourself to be either really super focused all the time or have it act like someone who has a neurotypical brain or whatever that is. It’s just allowing it, working with it, like you said.
Yeah. And like when you said acting like someone who has a neurotypical brain, I think like so many of us, we only know our own brains. I mean, I grew up being called weird, but mostly in a friendly way. And I was happy to identify as a weird, but I think understanding where it’s like, life could have been so different.
But things like around nutrition, I remember learning a good bit as part of my yoga therapy training, and how important it was for developing brains. And like, I remember back then, in my 30s, then thinking, oh, it’s too late. I should have been eating better. I was vegetarian from the age of like 11 or 12 and I didn’t like vegetables. And I was pretty much malnourished. I had a growth spurt when I went back to eating meat for a while at 17! I’ve been vegan now, since 2017. And I do eat much better but there is still that strong, kind of like the questions around food were really like, oh, wow, I really thought that was just me. Whereas now I celebrate the mushing up of my food. And like, sorry, loved ones who happen to be with me. But it just tastes so much better like this.
Yeah, absolutely celebrate the differences, you know, rather than trying to hide them or trying to change them.
Yeah. Like how important it is with ADHD to have protein with breakfast. Like before we started our recordings today, wholemeal toast, peanut butter, little bit of Vego (vegan chocolate spread) and mushed banana. And it’s like, I spent decades being told by everyone, I should be having proper breakfast. When I was at school, I might have ice cream for breakfast or bourbon biscuits. And it’s like, don’t tell me what to do.
That’s defiance. Yeah. Pathological Demand Avoidance.
Yeah. Even from myself! But I think celebrating is even like saying, ‘Oh, well, that demand avoidance actually served me in some situations. Yeah. And recognising now like, nope, I’m giving myself that protein now, like at 49, I hope to have many, many decades to come and I’m doing what I can to rectify that. And it is never too late, actually.
It’s never too late to start eating well or taking care of yourself or speaking to yourself more kindly or celebrating your differences or whatever it is.
We’re going to talk a bit more about what we do to celebrate neurodiversity for the Half Moon recording, which if you would like access to, you can subscribe for free at selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/. You’d think I’ve said this enough times. You’d think I’d know it off by heart. Well, I do know it off by heart. Compassion. So hope you can join us there.
Thank you for listening to this so far. Jayne, anything to add before we move to that?
I’ve lots to add, as I always say, I’ve lots to add. Yeah, I think just celebrate it, own it, you know, allow it, accept it. It’s not going to change. You might as well work with it and make space for it. Yeah.
Thanks a million. Thanks. If you’re a Half Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, trauma- informed and ADHD-friendly Self care, you’ll be getting a special recording where Jayne and I continue our conversation and talk about the importance of owning the ADHD and any other things.
How even talking about it reduces the shame we still often feel around certain traits. I hope you find that helpful. And for Full Moon and Supermoon members, we go into more depth celebrating our differently wired brains, at least some of the time, a lot of the time, but we’re human. I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with your Self, with that uppercase, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself and to become more fully embodied at peace and at ease in your own skin. To help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it.
And if you haven’t already and would like to, you can subscribe, comment, rate, review. This episode, like all of them so far, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Thanks again for listening.
And if you’d like more on this week’s theme, you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Soul to Soul Circle at selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/. Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. Each week, Half Moon members, that’s the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony. So it’s a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme. And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do, perhaps, but just supporting you and taking those steps.
Let me know if any of that is of interest, and I hope you have a gorgeous day.